Realizations

This morning, as Stitch was waking me up at the gosh darn early hour of 4am, I began dreading the day. I laid in bed with him for 3 hours...eventually caving to put on cartoons at 6am. At 7, Goose woke up and I had her watch Stitch so I could take a shower and get ready for work. While I was in the shower, Stitch proceeded to take off his clean pull-up and poop on the floor in my room. Yes the carpet is off white and yes he mashed it in wherever he could. So I get out of the shower, put him in the bath and begin cleaning the mess. While I am cleaning, Stitch proceeds to dump my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and shaving gel into the bathtub. This created a blue-orangish pinkish mess. He got out of the tub before I could catch him and got soap all over my bathroom, bedroom, and hallway before I caught him and got him rinsed off. So I finally get to getting ready for work, walk into my bathroom door, and fall flat on my arse....that's right, I fell on the soapy floor. So this messed up my previously injured back and hip. A this point I finally broke down crying in frustration.

Crying, because at that exact second at time, I did NOT like my son. Feeling grateful that every second closer to Saturday morning (when Stitch gets to go visit grandma for a month!) I would be able to breathe easier knowing I could keep my house CLEAN for a whole MONTH! And crying because I felt so guilty for being so mad at him. I composed myself, gathered him up in my arms (still a bit mad) and sat on the bathroom floor trying to explain to him that it is NOT OK to poop on the floor or dump all the soaps out (for about the millionth time).

So the day continues. Take the kids to daycare, go to work, pick kid up from daycare, and come home. On the way home, I decide I am too tired to cook dinner, so we stop at McDonald's. I am pulling in the driveway when I recognize students from a school I work at a LOT from this past school year. They talked to me for a few minutes, and then proceed to tell me that a student in their class had passed away this past weekend. Goose was very close to this student and proceeds to break down bawling. I try so hard to compose myself, but I have to admit, she was one of my favorite students too. Get dinner, come home, and research to make it not true. But it is true. This beautifully vibrant 12 year old girl passed away this past weekend in Mexico on a family trip. I once again am bawling and devastated.

So the realization I came to today is this: My kids will never be perfect, and they are probably always going to do something that makes me mad, angry, and hate their behaviors....

But there may not be a tomorrow to hold them close, love them, and be grateful for every second they are a blessing in my life. There may be a time that I feel so angry, and then will regret being mad in the first place. So tonight, I am realizing that I need to be a lot less mad when dealing with Stitch's destructiveness, and learn to laugh about these rough times, which I am sure I will be doing tomorrow, but tonight I am just too darn tired.